I need some talk therapy. I have a lot I feel I need to get off my chest and out of my system. But I can't exactly do that with anyone around me, I'm no longer close to anyone, and I don't feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with my sisters at all anymore. I only feel judged every time I talk to them.

What is it about me that makes me so unlikable? I know I have many weaknesses and I am glad they are being pointed out to be. I appreciate every constructive criticism I receive, but at the same time, I also don't want to become consumed with it and become depressed focusing on it and being self-conscious about it. The last thing I need is depression right now. It's been years since I've been actually depressed, so I have forgotten how it really feels like. I definitely don't want to slip into that trap again though! So I am trying my best to stray as far away from debilitative thoughts as possible.

One of my main weaknesses is being too naive. I tend to believe in the good in people, and it makes me lose touch with reality. Every time someone disappoints me, I become so surprised and hurt. And betrayed. Putting it in writing really helps me to realize how extreme this all sounds. I am truly an idealistic person. And it is my biggest shortcoming. I will be so naive because I am so nice to people. I hate feeling judged, and I hate it when people can't connect emotionally to one another.

Dan expressed that he would like for me to think about my actions before I take them more. Think before I say things too. Some things I say can end up hurting me in the end, and I need to be more aware of the big picture in the long run. I can't let my emotions dictate so many decisions and judgments in my life. I tend to make most of my judgments based on my feelings and emotions instead of background knowledge and experience.

That's a great way to put it. I appreciate that Dan is so patient with me. I know I need to be patient with him too... and I am! Speaking of patience, Dan has lost 2 lbs lately! He looks amazing right now. Whoever thought two pounds can make such a huge difference. He went from 166 to 164. It's a great start. :)

His two interviews in the past two days did not go well. And I know that's really discouraging. But I know he just needs practice as well as the right timing. He has one more tomorrow, with Barometer? for an ITgenome internship position. I pray to God he gets this. It would be PERFECT for him! Being a Genetics/Physiology major and IT interest and all...

I had a lot more I wanted to write but maybe I will save it for later. Ja mata!