I wonder what's wrong with me. I'm spiraling out of control again. I'm not happy with my personal life. Not really with my work life. Not happy with my relationships or anything. I am just a living mess. Today, as I was lying there with Dan, the words "I want to die" unexpectedly came out of my mouth. And I have no idea what spurred it. I was just in a moment of lack of motivation. And lying there doing nothing but "cuddle" didn't help one bit. I hate cuddling. I think it is a huge waste of time. Because we do it too much. I also hate it when we sit and watch movies and tv shows mindlessly. I hate mindless activities. I hate the things/activities I do with Dan. The lifestyle we lead. But we have no money. Even if we had money, I doubt we'd do anything differently. Dan is so lazy... AND unromantic. *sigh*

I want to break up with him. But am I too nice? Am I too scared?